I read my last blog post from a year ago- I was gung-ho on running and starting to blog weekly. Alas, this last four months running has not been a part of my daily repertoire… and I am OK with this. Normally, when looking back about a commitment I had made and failed at would send me into the depths of the chaotic ruminations of self-condemnation–not this time.
I know I will return. There is always a return…with some sense of new understanding, new learning.
I am listening to my new favorite podcast, The One You Feed, thinking about Thich Nhat Hanh and the internal seeds I water daily, or as their podcast postulates, which wolf do I feed…which seed do I water: the self-condemning, fearful one or the loving, joyful one? I think about Jung’s shadow, that side of us we keep hidden from the world. What do I nourish, joy, gratitude, passion or depression, apathy, and self-loathing? Both wolves need to be approached with an objective compassion- I will never be “rid” of my human self.
The commitment to write last year has not not faded, nor did the commitment to health and exercise….I write every day, just not on my blog, yet. I exercise, just not running, yet.
The question I asked last year: “The doubting, the self-critic so strong and mean at times – can be crushing. The question becomes – how do we use irrational fear and transform it into a power that catapults us to the next step?” Meditation, writing, exercising, serving others, and a host of other things lead me to self-acceptance, a form of loving kindness to myself. My meditation has also called me to a commitment of no TV for a year, with a focus on more intentional writing and reading. As always, exercise (walking, running, strength training, stairs, yoga – some form of movement) every day for 10 minutes or more and meditation is included in this commitment. So far, so good – 33 days
So here I sit, writing a new blog post.